September 7, 2004 (Rift between sister begins)

Tuesday afternoon, September 7, 2004


Last week, I had a feeling (intuition) that my sister was no longer Buddhist. I had no real solid proof of this. I have not been talking to her much since the funeral. This was pure intuition.

Today, I found evidence that this was true. I talked to Matt’s mom [Note: I was living with Matt’s parents in their house, at this time]. My sister had called the phone here while I was gone, so she talked to Matt’s mom a little bit.

Matt’s mom mentioned today that my sister said she was Lutheran.* Matt’s mom was surprised and was about to ask what happened with the Buddhist thing, but then she decided not to ask.

* [Note: Lutheran Christian—this was the religion that my mom was. When I was young, we went to a Lutheran church with my mom and dad, and also participated in a lot of church musicals.]

Now, I am surprised, here. And you know what? It’s not my sister who surprises me. What I am truly surprised by is the fact that my intuition was good enough for me to know this ahead of time. I already knew it! That’s weird. But my intuition never hurts me. It is only here to help me.


My sister and I have had trouble in the past, but something feels different now. I do not think we will be friends again. Or at least not for a very very long time. Maybe even into the next life.

Perhaps it was our Buddhist beliefs which really brought us together. Buddhism was the last thing we had in common. Sure, we both go to the same university, but if that’s what we have in common, then I might as well be friends with the frat boys and sorority girls, because they go to the same school, too. [Explanation: I despised the frat and sorority types of people.]


One thing I’ve grown really good at is sensing change. I can feel it, now. I picture this now as the ending of my relationship with my sister. It’s not because of the whole Buddhist thing. She and I are changing and going in different directions. Here, our road parts.

But I am also aware that all roads eventually come back together again. I believe I will see her or her soul again someday.

Perhaps then she will apologize for her egotism* (even though I forgive her for it already). If she does, I plan on greeting her with open arms and a smile.

There is change in the air.

Everything changes. Nothing is constant.


*[Note: I’m not sure what I meant by “egotism,” because the definition is: “the fact of being excessively conceited or absorbed in oneself.” And that doesn’t really make sense, reading it now in 2013. I think I probably meant something similar to the idea of an overly large ego, but more like “condescending” or someone thinking they’re better than others. Like the saying, “up on a high horse.”]


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