July 12, 2009


I get so stressed out on Sunday nights. I dread going to work; I get emotional and I cry because I hate it so much.

I know I’m supposed to like it there. I’m supposed to love this job and [this company], but I can’t stand the people. I hate [my primary boss] and I have a growing hatred for [second boss], who is my new supervisor.

Maybe I really do have a problem with authority? I hate fucking bossy people who tell me what to do. I think it’s just how they say it. I hate being trapped and forced.

I guess this is really what they call the “rat race” of adult life—going to work and sleeping. I hate them.

It’s still hard to get over KL. I wish he was able to show me the nurturing and care that I had showed to him. We made so many plans and dreams. It’s difficult to grasp that it’s over, now. The Death of a Relationship [this was a joke using the title of the play, Death of a Salesman].

I’m so stressed. Don’t want to go to [job] but I have no choice.


[large letters that fill the page:]




[company where I work].

I want to fucking kill myself rather than work there,
but I have no fucking choice. FUCK.



Crying, Sadness
Anger, Pissed, hate. Screaming in my head.
until I get exhausted and fall asleep.


That is how I go to sleep.



“Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself,” by Melody Beattie

4. We can learn to depend on ourselves. Maybe other people haven’t been there for us, but we can start being there for us.
Stop abandoning ourselves, our needs, our wants, our feelings, our lives, and everything that comprises us. Make a commitment to always be there for ourselves. We can trust ourselves. We can handle and cope with the events, problems, and feelings life throws our way. We can trust our feelings and our judgments. We can solve our problems. We can learn to live with our unsolved problems, too. We must trust the people we are learning to depend on—ourselves.

“In any situation, detach and ask, ‘What do I need to do to take care of myself?'”


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