October 23, 2009

REVISED: THREE CIRCLES

Inner circle / Acting-out behaviors / Bottom-line behaviors
-things that make me feel bad about myself [in the long run]:

  1. Sex with strangers – includes in person, web cam, cyber sex chat;
  2. Saying yes to sexual acts when I don’t really want to do them.

Middle circle
-things that I’m not sure if they’re good or not; can possibly lead into inner circle:

  1. oral sex
  2. video recordings of healthy sex or any sex
  3. bondage sex
  4. masturbation
  5. showing erotic videos/pictures to people for their attention
  6. visiting sex personals and dating websites and chat websites
  7. dirty talk, degrading talk (ex: saying I’m a slut, etc.)
  8. pornography; sex stores

Outer circle
-positive things that are healthy for me

  1. Healthy, safe sex with a trusted friend/partner
  2. Develop non-sexual relationships with others
  3. Affectionate touch; cuddling
  4. Go to SAA meetings
  5. Exercise; eat healthy; socialize with safe friends

———

I caught myself in a thought just now:

I was pissed about my job again. Then I thought, “I don’t want to think about this; I’ll think about sex.”

My psychologist has been persistent. I want to call Adam and ask for sex. He is safe and trustworthy, but am I still wanting sex for the wrong reason?

I’m trying to get rid of all-or-none thinking. I’m afraid that if I miss a single SAA meeting, then I will have forever failed the program.

15th SAA meeting.

Reading about conflict: Answers in the Heart

False —> Unconditional love means love without hassle.
Reality —> In real love, there is conflict.

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