October 30, 2009

[My psychologist had suggested I probably have something called “Asperger’s Syndrome.”]

Possible Connections to Asperger’s Syndrome?

  • I am sometimes/often uncomfortable looking people in the eyes when the topic or atmosphere or person is uncomfortable to me.
  • Speaking while watching things is difficult for me. If someone calls while I’m playing video games or watching TV, then I have to turn it off so I can focus on the conversation.
  • I think I was clumsy in childhood.
  • I feel a lot of anger inside me when people at work don’t follow the rules. I don’t understand why they’d make those rules if they’re just going to consistently break them.
  • I used to get a kick out of naming pets as what they are. A cat would be called “Tom” (because he was a tom-cat, male), my betta fish named “Betta” [later I had one named Sushi], and a Basil plant named “Basil.” My Rubber plant was called “Rubbie.” (But Robert Plant is still Robert. wink, wink!)
  • I felt “different all throughout childhood. There were a few random cases where other kids made fun of me. I felt like I was a disgusting person.
  • My parents said that I had a very hard time letting go of them (or just my mom?) and attending first grade.
  • Humans fascinate me. I like to refer to them as “humans” instead of “people.”
  • I remember trying to read the book, Lord of the Rings, to my younger sister when I was in 7th or 8th grade (12-13 years old). I didn’t understand that she wouldn’t be as fascinated in the book as I was, but eventually I got the hint. Or maybe she just told me she didn’t want to hear it anymore. I think I was sad.
  • When my mom died in the motorcycle crash [2003 or 2004], I accepted it as a fact and didn’t feel any emotion. But when I was made fun of by my family for this, then I felt like a bad person and I was angry.
  • However, I get really sad when I see violent scenes on TV or in movies. I often cry. Sometimes I feel like crying when I read news stories about people being hurt.
  • I took phrases literally when I was a child. My mom once sent me into the grocery store to get a brand of dip called Helluva Good Dip. I thought she was cursing/swearing and she wanted a hell of a good dip and the brand didn’t really matter. So I came back with a random brand that looked good. She was disappointed. I said, “But I got the best one I could find!” Later, I thought that a “tossed salad” meant literally tossed up in the air—and the salad ended up all over the kitchen floor. My family laughed at these and I became the comic relief—the funny one. However, eventually I was sad because I felt like they were laughing at me in a mean way. That hurt.
  • During a high school parent-teacher night, my sister went to sit down in a chair and I pulled it out from under her. I thought it would be a hilarious prank like on TV, but the adults and my mom were not amused. I made myself laugh, to cover up embarrassment. My mom told me to wait outside.
  • I like to find out how machines work, but it’s not an obsession and sometimes I’m just content with passing thoughts of wondering and never really figuring out how they work.
  • I can’t stand small-talk at work. I only want informational, work-related talk. However, when I’m with friends it’s very easy to keep a conversation flowing and I can talk about anything.

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