November 1, 2009

23rd SAA meeting

I wonder if my “bottom line behavior” of having sex with strangers has now become: “Stay away from others in general,” feeding my own isolation and circle of self-pity and despair?

I trust Adam the most out of anyone right now, but still I cry to think he is emotionally unavailable—but that is not entirely true. Friendship-love can be powerful, too, right?

[Note about “Adam:” We met on an adult website where people hook up for one reason: sex. He was in a committed relationship with a girl who lived in his home-town. He came to the state where I lived, to go to college and had convinced his girlfriend to allow them to be in an “open relationship,” so he could satisfy his sexual desires while he is away from her, but always keeping his heart with her. This is why he is “emotionally unavailable” and is eventually what drove me to break off contact with him by December 2009.]

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