Sometimes I feel sad and lonely for not having a relationship, but at the same time, I feel very lucky to be single, because it gives me free reign to focus on myself and not worry about a partner.
All focus can go into self-healing. I’m not entirely sure that would be possible with me, if I was in a relationship right now.
I am not entirely solo, though. I still have my friendships to work through.
When others share their reality with me (intimacy), I often have a habit of offering advice, or trying to take over and fix things, and change the person, somehow.
However, that is not healthy. In healthy relationships, I can hear their reality and not get overly emotional. I can nurture others in a way that promotes their taking responsibility for theirselves.
LEARNING HOW TO LISTEN, THROUGH SAA MEETINGS
Trying to change others to fit my fantasy/reality is not a healthy behavior. I am fully capable of listening to them share, without me trying to change the way they think or to give advice.
I know this, because I listen to others talk in the SAA and SLAA meetings. I listen and do not try to change them. I can provide support.
So it is not impossible to think I can be healthy. I have already picked up some healthy behaviors already. 🙂
NEEDING TO BE NEEDED
My psychologist once asked me if I needed to be needed. The answer is yes. I swing into people’s lives, rescue them, then disappear. [I even used to think I was a real “angel” and that the purpose of my life was to save/rescue others.] But changing people robs them of the right to take control of their own lives. It stops me from seeing who they really are.
Am I addicted to fixing things and solving problems? I keep extremely busy with self-help books. I wonder if I am not content—if I look constantly for something to do, or fix, or solve.
Maybe a few simple video games or puzzles will keep me from trying to fix or change my relationship partners and friends.
I have a great sense that I can heal. I can do this. I have a lot of hope right now, and I’m figuring stuff out.
Note to self: Ask Meadows what to ask for, when looking for an addiction therapist.