November 29, 2009

IS BLISS A FANTASY?

Probably the very first fantasy I need to get rid of is the one where life should be perfect and ideal, without pain and without struggle… a permanent state of happy bliss with no troubles at all.

I guess that doesn’t really exist.

I must learn to no longer fear pain, anger, troubling times, or conflict.

TAKING CARE OF MYSELF

I’ve been exercising to a work-out DVD almost every day for the past week or two. It is my hope that the physical brain stimulation caused by exercising can be a healthy substitute for the euphoric sexual recalls.

I feel good when I listen to good music. Classic rock, blues, New Orleans jazz are my favorites. Also techno/electronic is cool.

Book to read: Sexual Anorexia: Overcoming Sexual Self-Hatred, by Pat Carnes

WHAT’RE YA WAITIN’ FOR?

Now that I’m attending meetings each day again, I guess I really should come up with a set list of bottom-line behaviors [inner circle]. I keep using the excuse of waiting for a sponsor, but I can’t keep waiting for other people to do things for me. I’ve got to do the bulk of the work.

So let’s get started, damn-it!

PROBLEM AREAS and BOTTOM LINE SOLUTIONS:*

  • inability to say no to sex(ual acts).
    Bottom Line solution: no sexual contact with men.
  • cyber sex (text chat and web cam shows).
    Bottom Line solution: no anonymous sex nor sex on first date.
  • using sex to manipulate (guys into staying or to attract attention)
    Bottom Line solution: no sex for acceptance (no online sexual interactions)
  • seducing guys with looks, body language, voice, etc.
    Bottom Line solution: no seduction or flirting.
  • euphoric recall and fantasy of sex or relationships.
    Bottom Line solution: no euphoric recall nor fantasy.
  • using alcohol to “lost control” to make sex easier; or as an excuse to act out.
    Bottom Line solution: no more alcohol, when I’ll be alone with a guy.
  • emotional chaos
    Bottom Line solution: no ignoring my needs—take care of myself!
  • objectifying myself
    Bottom Line solution: no objectifying myself.
  • sexual anorexia (and emotional anorexia) / intimacy and love avoidance
    Bottom Line solution: no refusing nurturing, affection, or love
  • spending money on guys and acting as a care-taker.
    Bottom Line solution: no taking over another’s financial responsibilities
  • unhealthy relationships
    Bottom Line solution: no unhealthy relationships

* [I would like to add a note, here.

The “bottom line solutions” that I wrote back then are unrealistic and abstract. They are “far mode” thinking. It would be much better and easier to choose goals that are more concrete and solid actions that can be taken, and closer to “near mode” thinking.

More information on near mode vs. far mode:
http://wiki.lesswrong.com/wiki/Near/far_thinking
http://www.overcomingbias.com/2010/06/near-far-summary.html

Upon retrospection, I don’t really think those bottom line solutions were really “solutions” at all. But I am posting the original list above to show the solutions I came up with at that point in time, in 2009.]

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