December 4, 2009

MAYBE I DO NEED A SPONSOR, AFTER ALL

I’m starting to see the need for a sponsor. I wish there was someone I could talk to, to ask questions.

I don’t feel like I can trust any of the women. It’s hard to tell who is willing to be a sponsor.

I don’t trust myself around guys, because I’ll probably try to have sex with them, and holding back that urge will kill me, inside.

OBSERVATION

I keep myself busy to avoid intimacy and socializing.

TOO OLD?

Man, I really would love to have sex. Just one more time.

But I think it’s over. By the time I’m done with recovery, my body will be old, and will be unattractive and undesirable, for sexual purposes.

It’s hard to not just let my mind go into the realm of Euphoric Recall. I think that is the closest to sex I’ll ever get, again.

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