December 21, 2009

THINKING ABOUT MY PAST JOBS

Why can’t I keep jobs? Is it my explosive rage, mixed with a deep fear of intimacy? I can’t stand being at the same job for more than 6 months or so. Some jobs I didn’t even show up on the first day [Taco Bell]. I hate commitment and responsibility, perhaps?

How can I tell if I should leave because it’s unhealthy, or if I’m merely running because of things in my head? I have trouble seeing reality, I guess.

THINK POSITIVE? EASIER SAID THAN DONE.

Someone on the Atlas Shrugged forums encouraged me to write about things I’m proud of, like the logo I designed for him [it was a recent side-project]. But it’s so hard to think of good things when I’m surrounded by pain.

——————

[Note: the last two pages of this particular journal notebook were filled with job notes and lists, trying to organize my thoughts on what I like and dislike. There is one humorous post that I’d like to include. Part of the humorous part is that I was very serious about it.]

IDEAL JOB #1:

  • benefits and at least $35K/year
  • I get to relax and read books and slack off on internet
  • no one bothers me
  • occasionally do work
  • view to outside, sun/sky/mountains
  • quality boss who is not a jerk

[hehehe… I get a kick out of the second line.]

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