January 4, 2010

Monday, January 4, 2010

I feel like shit this morning. I have anxiety and anger towards my job and lost sleep last night because it was on my mind. I can’t wait to leave that hell hole. I feel sick. Don’t feel like eating at all.

SLIPPING FROM STEP 2 TO STEP 1?

I feel like I’m back down to Step One again, because I no longer have that “happy hope” for recovery, anymore. That good feeling from last week was a lot more short-lived than I anticipated.

I expected the good feelings from last week to last, well, for the rest of my life, really. Is my life just going to be up and down like a roller coaster until I die? WTF kind of life is that? Suicide enters my mind, again.

TRYING TO UNDERSTAND MY FEELINGS TOWARDS WOMEN

I think maybe sometimes I view females as competition for male attention. Maybe this fuels my anger towards females?

4 women at the Monday night SAA meeting!! [usually, I was the only female]

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