January 9, 2010 (Asperger’s meeting, SAA meeting)

Asperger’s meeting today at 12:30PM.

NOTES

Watch Mozart and The Whale (movie).

Spectrum—magazine with autism stuff. [Note: I never looked it up, back then. I think this is it?]

Pragmatic language skills—knowing how to use language in social settings.

“Some photographic memories have never developed.”
-I can remember things much better if I can see them written down, rather than given to me verbally. Is that an Asperger’s trait?

Do “Aspies” lack eye contact?

Are Aspergers people missing the facial expressions because we/they tend to lack eye contact?

AN AWKWARD SOCIAL ATMOSPHERE

I enjoyed the informative lecture on Asperger’s Syndrome, but I really didn’t like the social part. I still have an immensely difficult time saying “no,” so I agreed to take phone numbers, attend other different separate meetings and give a ride to a guy and eat a quick lunch with him.

The conversations with him and the others at the meeting were incredibly awkward, especially when he was trying to get me to go to his church and when he questioned my comment that I am trying to separate the idea of spirituality from the idea of religion.

So I think in the future, I’ll just attend the lectures and then immediately leave afterwards. The people are just too weird.

Additionally, as a side thought, at least having a quick dinner with that one guy was really good for me to remind myself to pay attention to who the guy is, and see if he is a good match for me, instead of just agreeing to date whoever asks. It wasn’t a date. I’m just saying that I need to keep reality in mind.

COMPLAINING MADE IT EVEN MORE AWKWARD

During the meeting discussion (and before, too), I detected a lot of bitterness. They complained about lack of funding from the government. There was much talk of bitching, complaining about problems.

Thank goodness the lecturer, the only non-Aspie, was able to give solutions and suggestions and say something hopeful and uplifting.

WHO HAS MORE CONTROL: MEN OR WOMEN?

There was a small, mellow debate of opinions in today’s morning SAA meeting of who has more power and control: men or women.

It sounds like we tend to think that the opposite gender holds the sexual power. Women think it’s men. Many men think women have power over them. “The grass is more controlling on the other side,” perhaps?

I think both genders have equal sexual power. It is balanced over all human kind. Or another way to put it is like this: neither gender has more control or power over the other. It is the addict within ourselves that always had that power.

Prostitute women didn’t cause men to be powerless… the addict within the man caused him to be powerless. And for me, I was never powerless to say No to the guys I slept with; I was just powerless to say no to the addict. My name is _____. And I am a sex addict. ~~dramatic music~~ LA LA LAAAAAAAAAAA!

AFTER-THOUGHTS ABOUT MARRIAGE

Matt and I were married for 2 and a half years, legally. But in all reality, the marriage ended a month after we signed the papers to marry in the first place. [Note: one of the big motivations for signing marriage papers (there was no wedding) was to bring him under my work benefits because I thought the benefits were extremely good, and I wanted to share this good fortune and abundance].

BUSY, BUSY, WORK, WORK, WORK

I always look for things to keep me busy. Even my video games are “work” in a way—Brain Age and the Zenses. Training my brain.

On the way home from the SAA meeting tonight, I said, “OK, STOP! Just go home, cook the pizza, and veg out in front of the TV.” No more SAA Step work. No more brain training. No more inner child work. Stop doing work for just one moment! Have fun!!! Sheesh. lol

MY ANSWERING MACHINE SUDDENLY HAS MESSAGES

Kevin and my Aunt have both left messages on my answering machine. I was shocked by both. I had no idea they’d want to remain in contact with me. I feel sad about some aspects of their behavior, but maybe I should keep these friendships?

I talked to my aunt. Told her straight-up that I got scared when I saw my email lumped in with my dad’s, when she sends out bulk email updates about herself to several email addresses at once.

She was very happy to hear from me and said I was bold and mature to tell her directly about what was on my mind.

So I’m glad I called her back. Maybe I’ll rekindle the relationship with Kevin, too. But I’ll take some time to think. Kevin is someone I am/was sexually attracted to, so I need to be careful.

I know right now that I cannot hang out with him in person, because that is too tempting. To me, it is middle-circle behavior. If he is going to be a real friend, he must understand that. He might end up being one of those friends that I just talk to a little, every few months, like some of the guys from Warcraft.

Fun fact: My aunt went to a few months of AA meetings because she drank for 3 weeks straight, when Colleen left her. I didn’t know that.

I brought her up-to-date on SAA, SLAA, and Aspies.

I’ve decided to get a second opinion on the Asperger’s Syndrome.

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2 thoughts on “January 9, 2010 (Asperger’s meeting, SAA meeting)

  1. Pingback: January 10, 2010 (begining anti-depressant pills) | The Miracle Mud Bath of Life

  2. Pingback: January 10, 2010 (begining anti-depressant pills) | The Miracle Mud Bath of Life

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