January 19, 2010

POSSIBLY ALSO A CODEPENDENT OF SEX ADDICTS?

I feel sick to my stomach. But it wasn’t anything I ate.

This afternoon, my sex addiction therapist asked me if I thought I ever played the role of a COSA in relationships—codependent of a sex addict.

I already know—and fear—that the answer is Yes. There were many situations where I didn’t particularly want sex, but I just went along with whatever the guys wanted.

I feel sick to think about it.

So not only am I a sex addict, but I’m also a codependent of a sex addict.

And you know, I don’t mean to keep saying I’m in a victim role… but damn. It’s just been tough, in the relationship area.

I have a headache now.

COSA MEETING

My first COSA support group meeting.

Boundaries—How far will I allow someone to come into my space?
-damaged in childhood and in relationships

This is very difficult for me to listen to. I feel so sick—this is the abuse and memories from and of childhood. It makes me sick to think of how my parents violated boundaries. It killed my soul… almost.

Pg. 76: Partners: Healing from His Addiction, by Dr. Weiss.

Partners find themselves being sexual without conscious knowledge that they don’t want to be.

I feel so fucking sick.

The “Sexual Boundary Violations” section almost completely describes Matt and my 2-year marriage to him. Was he a sex addict? I didn’t think he was, but now I’m not so sure. None of my past sexual partners, except Kevin, would have called themselves sex addicts.

All my life, boundaries have been crossed, by others. I never knew I could have my own.

COMMUNICATING BOUNDARY GUIDELINES

When you _________, like the time _____________, I felt _______________. My request is _______________.

“ACTING OUT,” in COSA

  • Denial that there’s a problem.
  • Choosing their behavior over how we feel inside.

“Sex is dirty and something that has to be tolerated.”
-that is basically how I feel. 😦

Another book to read? Beyond the Bedroom: Healing for Adult Children of Sex Addicts, by Dr. Weiss.

 

 

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