January 24, 2010


I hiked in beautiful mountains with my sponsor, Sophia. I was able to tell her more about me. She’s very supportive and understanding. I was even able to talk to her about occult things such as past lives, tarot cards, palm reading, runes, alien life and belief in the Earth itself as my “higher power.” She has already become the spiritual mentor I’ve been seeking.

She wants us to meet weekly there, and walk and talk and hike. I love it!

Also, Barbara, from work, wants to set up a regular time to have lunch together—every 4th Friday of each month.

So I have two people who enjoy being around me enough to want to set up steady times to meet. And Jenn likes hanging around me, too. They like who I am, my personality. I’m happy!


I want to be able to recognize if I’m being used or not. I also want to be able to identify real love—in the past, I’ve confused love with a desire to take care of someone; or confused love with sex. And it still hurts that KL dumped me a week after I load him $11k, and then he somehow rationalized that he shouldn’t have to pay me back. Did he use me? Have others used me? I don’t want to believe that they did. I don’t want to be a helpless, pathetic victim who is too naive or dumb to see reality.


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