April 20, 2010

Wednesday, April 20, 2010


I visited the dueling piano bar for the third time, tonight. The first time was last Friday. One of the piano guys came up and randomly introduced himself, during his break. I mentioned that I’d seen an ad for piano players/singers (craigslist) needed at this place. Somehow he would tell by the sound/tone of my voice that I might be good at singing. He told the main piano guy about me and then HE introduced himself to me (after my veggie burger). He gave me his phone and email. I’d already made initial contact with his boss, and so now I emailed him and told him I enjoyed my first time there and would like an audition (which is now scheduled for this Friday at 4:30 pm). I also went back Saturday night and met some of the other guys.

Tonight was a smaller crowd. I got to play! Hah!

I played Pat Benatar’s Hit Me With Your Best Shot, and sang also. The guys added the drums, bass, and the other piano, to help me out. The crowd cheered and sang along. It was amazing and fun! As I went off stage, the main piano player was there and he led me to the back room and gave me some pointers and tips. He said he wouldn’t have bothered taking me back there if he thought I sucked.

So it was a good sign! I felt like how comedians must feel on the Late Night Show… I’ve heard that after new comedians give their skits, if David Letterman liked it, he’d beckon them over to speak with him. If not, he’d just clap. So this piano player talking to me felt like that kind of approval—which I’m excited about! I want to get better. I think it’s almost damn certain that I’ll be hired.

I should probably find a part-time job to supplement income, though. Maybe waitress?


I had compliments—not just on playing/singing, but one guy I was talking to said I seemed very interesting. [granted, I think he was fairly drunk as he was saying this] The whole night was a great ego boost. This guy also asked what my plans were for the future. I honestly replied that I don’t have any, because when I try to plan things, it never works out! Haha! It’s the truth, in a humorous way.

I casually mentioned “sexual anorexia” to a guy who spent 15 minutes talking non-stop (literally non-stop!) about how he is a-sexual and doesn’t like sex with anyone. Maybe he’ll research it.

That guy from earlier gave me his business card with his hotel room on it. LOL—no way in fucking hell would I meet a stranger. I know now that it’s dangerous. Plus, I value my sexuality, so I’m not gonna go down that road. [I did not see him again.]

I drove home a very happy individual. Tonight, and recently, things just seem to be fitting and flowing together. The dueling piano bar stuff seems to be just naturally “happening,” for me. I feel grateful.


  1. I like to ask questions, to fully understand projects. I like to learn, discover, and explore. People at the company took offense when I asked questions and took it personally, as if I was trying to make it look like they didn’t know what they were doing.
  2. I am never content with doing something the conventional way if a better, newer way is possible. The company was deeply rooted in tradition and their most common reason for not improving or changing was because “it’s just always been that way.” To me, that is not a real reason.
  3. I like to analyze and think things through. I rely only on solid evidence to make decisions. Again, people at the company didn’t like it when I ask questions about the designs they want. I didn’t like how I knew almost nothing about the deeper background of each design request. [Note: The teachers in college, always encouraged the student designers to understand why a project is needed, who the target audience is, why certain elements are being requested, etc. This is so that the designer can come up with a suitable solution. My bosses felt threatened when I started asking them the very questions my teachers had told me I was supposed to be asking. I was quite confused and never really figured out what a “designer” was supposed to be.]
  4. I like to be involved and I believe designers should be involved from start to finish. At the company, projects were pretty much already designed by the time the “multiple cooks in the kitchen” gave the project to me. All I did was input their idea into the computer and coordinate the printing.
  5. Above all, I strive for excellence and I greatly appreciate excellence and skill in any field—art, math, science, nature. The company didn’t like to “push the envelope” or “think out of the box.” They were safe and content, like the herd mentality. I felt like the company constantly stopped me when I’d try to improve things.
  6. The company was filled with contradictions, blaming, and changing the rules as it would suit them. I tried to give in and be what they wanted, but it caused such a conflict within myself that I felt like my very soul was being drained from my body. But I held onto who I was inside and what I value. In the end, I was fired because I “wasn’t a good fit.” [Their explanation for the firing.]

I wish I could find a part-time job where I can wear bluejeans to work, solve problems with heavy critical thinking and creativity, with a boss who is skilled and likes the employees to come up with new ideas for old ways.

Right now, I view design as a boring job where the clients and bosses get to choose what I do. When I think of opening my own business, it just seems like too much work for something for which I have no passion. I chose design as a college major because it came up on a career test, and a music major was frowned-upon since it “wouldn’t make enough money,” whatever that means. Fuck money. I want happiness.


One thought on “April 20, 2010

  1. Pingback: May 3, 2010 (Toxic Parents, self-help book) | The Miracle Mud Bath of Life

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