April 25, 2010

April 25, 2010

Today was my last therapy appointment. The company’s insurance runs out at the end of the month. I won’t be able to afford more therapy until I get more money.

[Reference posts: Dysfunctional Work Family, and Fired from job.]

THERAPY HOMEWORK—VISUALIZATION

Picture attractive guys at a club, coming on to me. Imagine having good boundaries and saying No. Starting out sexually is never a good idea—sends the signal that I’m easy.

Letter to Little [my first name]—talk on a six-year-old level. In the language a sex-year-old would understand. Example: “Tell me about daddy.” Simple language. “Tell me about when you liked him and didn’t like him.”

BOOK LIST

Toxic Parents

Healing the Child Within

Courage to Heal—Workbook

The Princess Who Believed in Fairy Tales, Marcia Grad

Facing the Fire, John Lee

Getting the Love You Want, Hendriks

NEW SPIRITUAL GROUP

They have eclectic beliefs like I do.

Said not to worry about “being on the right path.” There is no right or wrong path. I’m always on my own path. No need to worry.

One woman gave me an “illustrated discovery journal” book. She said it was meant for me.

I like these people and I’m glad I met them. They’re not creepy or pushy.

Sometimes a purpose can be as simple as being an observer, at a given moment.

NOTES FROM “TOXIC PARENTS,” BY DR. SUSAN FORWARD

  • Did your parents use physical pain to discipline you? (yes, both)
  • Did your parents get drunk? (yes, both)
  • Were your parents severely depressed or unavailable because of emotional difficulties or mental or physical illness? (mom)
  • sexually molested twice:
    1. unknown
    2. babysitter
  • Hard time knowing who you are, what you feel and what you want? (yes)
  • Do you feel anxious when you’re successful and frightened that someone will find out you’re a fraud? (yes; also, I have recurring dreams of being on stage and forgetting lines)
  • Separated from parents. No relationship currently.

I do not take responsibility for my parents’ actions.

I am not responsible for what was done to me as a defenseless child.

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