June 2, 2010

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Yesterday and today, I felt the desire to have sex. Not with anyone in particular.

I feel ashamed to have sexual desire. I still hold the beliefs that sex is bad and sex is dirty. I’m still unsure what is normal and healthy sexual behavior.

Every once in a while, I struggle against sexual thoughts (brief fantasy glimpses that last half a second) that involve any guys I happen to be friends with. Currently, that guy is Sammie, even though I do not really desire a sexual relationship with him at all.

Masturbation is out of the question—I don’t like the feeling. It’s gross. Plus, for whatever reason, I feel like I’m being violated and abused when I masturbate.

I guess I just like the visualization and fantasy in my mind. But whenever those pop into my mind, I am extremely quick to push it away, because from SLAA and SAA, I’ve learned that sexual fantasy is bad.

NEW BOOKS IN THE MAIL

Sexual Anorexia, by Dr. Carnes.

Beyond Codependency, by Melody Beattie.

I started to read a little of both. I felt sick, then. I feel so dysfunctional and damaged. Unfixable. 😦

Still the question remains: How does a single person (not in a relationship) tell if he/she is sexually anorexic?

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s