June 6, 2010
PANTS ARE SAFER
Well, I realize why I prefer pants rather than dresses. Dresses are “easy access” to a guy looking for sex or sexual activity. I learned that, at 4 years old. I’ve never enjoyed wearing dresses. Always uncomfortable, under the surface.
PROBLEMS WITH EATING
Sheer willpower just isn’t working. I keep going back to overeating. It’s not horribly unhealthy food—just too much and I’m showing weight gain in my face, gut, and hips.
It feels hopeless. Problems with sex seemed way easier than controlling this.
FEELING SAD TONIGHT
- briefly thought of puking up food; research online for how to do it (I’ve never done it before).
- looked up Overeaters Anonymous.
- thought of cutting self: 1) for suicide; 2) as punishment for overeating.
- lonely, sad, alone