June 15, 2010

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

I feel torn, when it comes to looking for a job.

I’m looking for that one perfect jewel. Does it exist? Or should I “bite the bullet” and just go with a job that I know I’ll end up hating, just like my previous job?

FRIENDSHIP INSECURITY

I still have trouble maintaining friendships, in my mind.

Sammie and his wife are the best examples. From the moment I leave one of their parties, the feeling of friendship starts to fade. It’s still as if I need constant reminders that they still like me and want me as a friend, or else I start assuming the opposite.

In childhood, I learned that silence is bad and horrible. If nothing is done, that is a very bad sign. If they make no contact to me, I start thinking they no longer want me. Somehow, that was the case, with my parents??? I’m not sure.

So I end up thinking that I have no friends unless we hang out every other day. Or something like that.

It must be a trust issue. I need to trust that they still are my friends—especially when I don’t have any proof or evidence to suggest otherwise.

DOWNWARD SPIRAL

difficulty breathing

want to cry, but can’t

headache

fidget

pizza

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