Tuesday, June 15, 2010
I feel torn, when it comes to looking for a job.
I still have trouble maintaining friendships, in my mind.
Sammie and his wife are the best examples. From the moment I leave one of their parties, the feeling of friendship starts to fade. It’s still as if I need constant reminders that they still like me and want me as a friend, or else I start assuming the opposite.
In childhood, I learned that silence is bad and horrible. If nothing is done, that is a very bad sign. If they make no contact to me, I start thinking they no longer want me. Somehow, that was the case, with my parents??? I’m not sure.
So I end up thinking that I have no friends unless we hang out every other day. Or something like that.
It must be a trust issue. I need to trust that they still are my friends—especially when I don’t have any proof or evidence to suggest otherwise.
want to cry, but can’t