Monday, August 23, 2010
Driving a car on a road on a lake, right on top of the water. Road rises up out of water and I can see a sharp turn ahead. I easily navigate it. As I go around, I can see the marked deaths of hundreds of people. It was a lot. A shit-ton. Lots right on the curve and a few trickling after. These people didn’t see it coming, so they didn’t have time to slow down and turn. They drowned.
The man in the raft-car vehicle ahead of me was shooting at another vehicle ahead of him. The one ahead had 6 bullets and ran out. The man before me kept shooting. I wondered aloud how many bullets he had. He heard me and slowed down. He explained that he had a different type of gun—it could fire lots more bullets than the traditional hand-held guns.
We came to a stop. Large, flooded area. We had to wait for the waters to go back down, before we could cross with our cars. I playfully drove around, while waiting. I was at the beginning of the long line of cars waiting to cross.
Pursued by dad. Threat? Trying to avoid/escape.
HANDWRITING SUGGESTS CHANGE
I just noticed that the handwriting in the first half of this journal is quite different from the handwriting in the second half. I guess that shows I’ve changed. Almost to the end of this journal. I guess I’ll need a new one, soon.
LOOKING FOR MY MATE
Synchronicity: Movies about finding a match.
- Raggedy Anne—they found a pumpkin who needed a boy and the boy needed a pumpkin.
- Escape to Witch Mountain—Twins finding each other.
- Elephant and dog are best friends at an elephant ranch.
- Monkey adopts a kitten.
- Cat adopts squirrels.
I think I will find him, soon. I’m trying to feel his energy and make contact telepathically.
I told my parents that I hate graphic design and I never want to have another job in it again. Dad was completely shocked. Mom wasn’t too surprised; since she knew me better than he did.
I was distressed that I haven’t been to my second apartment in several days, and that meant that my 2 dogs had been inside that whole time.
Then, I had to keep reminding myself that this was a dream and they weren’t really suffering because I really don’t have any dog pets. Maybe this is my first lucid dream, where I realize I’m dreaming?
I still fear that non of this is true. What if there is no evolution, no spirits, no E.T.s, etc? What if I really have to go back to a job like the one I used to have, in a boring, mundane reality?
ESCAPE INTO FANTASY, FEELING LOST
Each day, I keep going up and down, emotionally, when I think of the American way of life (job, money, home). I get stressed out. When I think of my fantasy places, I feel happy and light-hearted. How can I get to my fantasy places? Do they exist on Earth? Can I live like I want to, or is suffering still required?
I don’t see how to get to the places I dream about. I’d like to take action, but I don’t know what to do. So I end up doing nothing. Every day, I eat, sleep, garden, ride my bike, browse the web, buy some groceries or gardening supplies. It’s cool (yet lonely), but this won’t last. It needs money in order to last—I need money to pay the rent and buy food. I don’t have land, but I’d like to have land, so I can grow food. How can I get land? It seems like the type of land I want is locked away in government-protected parks.
I just don’t see the path I need to take. I wish I knew what to do and what to look for.
So fucking sick of waiting around. I wish 2012 was here. I wish I was already on the “new earth” (if that even exists). Current Earth is miserable.
Maybe I should get a tent and live in the woods? I still need land, though, because I want to garden. I want to have a spot that is mine and I can call home. A safe spot. Forest, 10 acres, at least. [A little over 4 Hectares].
Should I stop wishing? Stop hoping for something better? Should I just be happy with what I’ve got? Unless I get more money, I’ll need to move, soon. I don’t like not knowing where to go.
I guess I’ll just plan on living in the woods in a tent, or in my car. …It doesn’t seem like that is my fate, though.
I feel sad and lonely.
Every day, I cry, either from loneliness or from the horrible things that happen on Earth.
Waiting, waiting, waiting.
I don’t see a way out. So I think of suicide, again.
PERHAPS ANOTHER LETTER IS NEEDED?
Could I please have solid contact so I have solid proof of your existence?
A guy walked up to me and asked if I’d be interested in joining his band. He really liked me. Later, he asked if I’d be interested in moving to Phoenix, Arizona, with him. Even starting a relationship. It was pretty fast, so I needed to think about it and picture it in my head, first.
DREAM—AUGUST 27, 2010
I was at my university, in the lunch room area. Sad, depressed robot, from the movie Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, was busing tables. People liked him and business was going well, since he started working. I listened to nearby conversation and I said to my sister, “I’m so glad this is my last year, here.” I was a senior and ready to graduate.
Then, I had a verbal fight, or got mad, with my mom and I left the dorm room. I just needed to be alone. I flew around campus—my body lifted off from the ground, with the power of my mind. I didn’t care if others thought it was freaky or strange. I liked to fly and it was natural, to me.
I caught a school bus that was going to see the Twilight movie at a theater. My friend from high school was there. My mom was worried and had told me to meet her at the ice cream shop on 3rd street, but I didn’t really want to. But the group of kids were going there. They were taking breaks in groups during the movie to get ice dream from that exact place.
I planned on going with them. However, during one of the breaks, my friend went away with some of the people who lived at the movie theater. Next time I saw her, her hair was all messed up and she was heavily drugged. I knew they were trying to control her. She had become confused and disoriented. She didn’t understand anything, anymore.
I decided to skip the ice cream and help her escape. However, this theater was inside a sort of prison or rehabilitation estate, so if I didn’t leave now with the kids, then the doors would start locking and it’d be very difficult to get out.
I decided to come back in the day light, when the drug addicts were weakest. It was difficult to find her. I flew up to the ceilings and above roof tops, trying to escape the druggers from following me. I flew out of their reach, but it was still at a general walking pace—not fast flying.
Way up on top of a building, I saw a Buddhist garden and shrine, with 2 tombs. I wondered if it was for decoration or if people were really dead inside the coffins. The druggers could easily follow me, inside the prison area, following along the ground. One guy grabbed my leg, but he got scared when I flew high, with him attached. He held on and wondered how I could fly with his weight.
I flew down lower. Passers-by overheard me explain the truth in the movie, The Matrix. I just pretended that he was a feather, in my mind. Then he was easy to carry. He was nice to me, from that point on. He was still with the druggers group, but allowed me to pass by him without being caught. Same with another guy—the curiosity began to spread.
I learned how to trick the bad druggers, and how to quickly open doors before the druggers reached me.
Finally, I picked up the leader and flew her around. I dropped her off on top of a roof of a building. She could no longer easily follow me because she couldn’t fly.
Eventually, I found the main doors. I flew very fast and quickly opened a door. I burst forth: “Main Street! I’m free! I’m free! I found it!” I freely flew over peoples’ heads, no longer followed by the druggies.
I knew my way back home from here. I was no longer lost. I didn’t find my friend, however, but I couldn’t stay in the druggie atmosphere any more, even though I searched all over for her. But I was happy to be free.