August 29, 2010

August 29, 2010

I’ve been craving sex. I got on the website to find sex chat partners, but then I enjoyed just chatting. Maybe what I really crave is friendship, except I don’t really know how to obtain friendships with people my age without using sex as a way to say “hello.”

Already, 2 guys were interested in meeting in person. They don’t live too far away. One was a guy who I knew from Fall 2009.

I feel fear. Afraid of giving in to sex, instead of taking it slow and building friendship, first.

These guys say that they’re interested in hanging out as friends, just to chill. We’re all shy (haha). Am I being a sex addict, if I hang out with them? Does sex addiction really even exist?

There is a path before me, and I’m not sure which one would be in my best interest.

REIKI HEALING SESSION

New energy—need to sit and get used to it. No rush.

DREAM

The mass public was getting a procedure done to their hand. One of their hands was getting a large hold in the palm. I thought it was odd, so I avoided it. I was able to skip it and sneak out.

Ritual feeling in dreams…. In trouble for not following exact protocol.

ATTEMPTING LUCID DREAMING

Affirmation: I will lucid dream, tonight. That means I will become aware that I’m dreaming, as the dream is happening. It will then be my choice to either wake up or continue dreaming. Perhaps I will even experiment with manipulating the dream. I will remember the dream after I’ve woken up.

ASKING FOR HELP

Dear Spirit Guides, Universe, and Higher Self,

Please help me heal my sexuality so that I can enjoy sex as an expression of joy and love, and no longer feel fear or embarrassment about my body.

DREAM

Portrait of a Druid

Portrait of a Druid (Photo credit: Plonq)

Could turn into a hawk and fly. Could easily carry things, but had difficulty flying when holding my mom in one arm.

(Mom = deadweight. She is the one I have to get rid of, in order to “fly.”) [Note: My mom died in 2004.]

TRAVEL BACKWARDS TO FIX THE FUTURE

What if I use the Adronis “time travel” meditation to go back and perform Reiki on myself to heal sexually-damaging events? It’s so fucking crazy-sounding that it just might work.

They say that time is an illusion.

I feel that my soul already knows Reiki. As if I was brought here because I know how the chakra system works.

DREAM

Dad and my aunt (his sister) are upset about having to take care of their aging parents. Dad was having me read a page in his journal. He was doing soul-searching into who he was and he found that he was a “millionist,” which was a division of the Illuminati and elite.

He was excited and didn’t think it was a bad thing. He had a “list of true friends” on the back. I was in there, with a note that said something about needing my optimistic energy. The first few pages in the cover and beginning had old family photos from when I was a young child.

DREAM

My cat is panting. Hot outside. Air conditioning is on, inside, but not quite cool enough.

Watching “Finding Nemo” movie.

School at my university. I’d dropped out of my favorite teacher’s design class.

WONDERING IF I CAN REALLY SEE THE FUTURE

I think one of my grandparents is going to die in Sept. 2010. [Note: My grandma died in August 2013.]

TRYING ANOTHER LETTER, TO ASK FOR HELP

…Maybe I need to make the message to be very loud and clear and obvious.

Dear Universe, Higher Self, and Spirit Guides,

Please help me find out as much as possible about who I am, where I came from and why I came to Earth for this life. Please help me remember.

Thank you, Me.

DREAM

Grandma had cancer or some disease and was going to die, soon. My mom was alive. Family was upset. They told me “the news” [about grandma’s death] and thought I didn’t know, but I told them that I had known, and that I had visions and dreams in August that she was going to die in September.

SENSING CHANGE

I feel change in the air today. Fall is here, but not just that. Worldly change, too.

WONDERING ABOUT MYSELF

Who am I?

Where did I come from?

What am I doing here / Why did I come here?

Fundamental questions that many ask. Why is it so difficult to figure out?

Please help me figure these out, spirit guides. I’m sick of living in shadow.

DREAM

maze garden

Thousands of people lined up to get in a cave matrix system that had been discovered. It was an ancient artifact.  There was a mystery to figure out—something like how to navigate the maze.

It was almost like a test. The key to passing the test was not as some people thought, which was to say that they thought they’d have to travel through a whole series of labyrinths. Rather, inside, it was all just one room and in order to survive, we had to learn to work together.

I immediately caught on, naturally, without thinking about it.

One young woman wanted to start a small fire to keep warm, but had no kindling to start it with. I offered my hair. I didn’t have much hair (very short), but it could help. I borrowed scissors form someone and searched for a barber and a lighter from others. My family members thought this idea of helping others was down-right crazy.

THE KEY TO GETTING WHAT I WANT?

Feel the feeling as if what I desire has already happened, or as if it is happening now, not in the future.

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Porn bores me.

Rumble felt. But my eyes showed no outward signs of this energetic earthquake.

Upset. Feel like crying.

Lonely. Tired. Sick stomach feeling.

Flashes of light seen out of the corner of my eye.

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