Monday, October 18, 2010
I wasn’t sure what else to do, in Grass Valley, CA. If there are signs, I’m unable to see them, or they’re not big enough. I decided to check out a random town. It repelled me. It reminded me of suburbs in the midwest or just “Any City, USA.” I feel like going home again.
This time, I punched in “Las Vegas” and now the GPS is taking me through retarded, curvy, death-trap national forest roads. I just want out of here. Out of these crazy inclines and declines. It was cold last night. Slept in a turnout along the National Forest road.
In the last town, I stopped to consult the pendulum for the first time.
Question: Is it in my best interest to live in California?
Question: Is it in my best interest to live in [the other state where my apartment is].
That sealed the deal. I quit making stops and just headed straight for home. It rained much of the way. I’m waiting for traffic at the Hoover Dam, now.
What a stupid trip and a dumb waste of money.
When people get out of their cars to stretch and look around, as we’re stopped in traffic, they suddenly become human beings, instead of “inanimate, fast moving asshole objects on the road.”
Well, I’m back home. If you wanna call this home. I’m happy to see my cat. I brought in half of the stuff from my car. Took a shower. I’ll sleep in a bed tonight. Yay. I feel sick again—my stomach. Thoughts of suicide while driving back to this state. Rainy weather.
Sick of the “new age” bullshit. I’m done with following “intuition.” Done with meditation and dreams. Done with “spirit guides.” Done with the “Law of Attraction.” I’m not getting what I want anyway, so why bother asking. I’m done with this spiritual bullshit.