Tuesday, December 28, 2010
I fear going backwards. I fear history repeating itself. I fear death, because I fear being reborn again, with no memory or knowledge of my purpose or mission, destined to go through another 30 years of hell. I don’t like being disconnected—the illusion of separation and fear. I fear being afraid.
Was this really Free Will? Did I seriously choose to go through that horror and pain in my first 30 years? A mental cage. A prison for my soul. Or was I forced, through karma or some other force? I fear that one day I will be forced to do it again. And again. …and again.
It really hurt me. I’ll do anything to avoid that pain again.
I can’t keep up with all my dreams. They’re just going to have to be filed away in my subconscious.
OLD GOALS AND WISHES
10 years ago, I made a list of goals for myself. “Happiness” was at the top. I believe I’ve achieved that, although it may be temporary, since I don’t think I could be happy in Earth jobs. The dalmatian dog [that I had wished for 10 years ago in my goal list] changed now to a great dane. I still wish to bring Peace to those who want it, and to find a place where I belong. I’d like to meet extra-terrestrial people and maybe join their mission, if they have one, to seek new life and bring peace to the universe. It would be cool to be a tourist and visit new places.