Weaknesses & Strengths

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Job Interview Question: What is your biggest weakness?

I think the best answer I can truly come up with now is this: My biggest weakness is sacrificing myself (who I am inside, my morals, values, dreams and hopes) in order to fit in with or belong to a group—whether it’s a new group of “friends” or some work atmosphere.

I don’t want to wear a mask. I don’t want to lie. I want to be honest about who I am. But how can I get a job without pretending to fit in to the corporate world? I want to have nothing to do with jobs or money. But I don’t see a way around it. This world is based on the corporate bullshit.

Where can I find an employer who will pay me cash outside of taxes and not participate in this shitty corporate world?

I’m so sick of living, sometimes. I want to get away from people, but I don’t know how. I can’t afford 100 acres of land. I’m sick of living on a planet that pollutes the air, with corrupt politicians and an asshole shadow government. Sick of everything. I want to leave. Now.

I feel like an intruder in this house. An outsider. An energy that does not belong. Like a drop of purple dye in a sea of green dye. Once again, I wish for death, but I can’t seem to think of any cheap, painless methods of suicide. I’m sick of pain. Sick of the cold weather. I want to leave. This is not my home.

My second weakness is externally agreeing with whatever is being said, even if I internally disagree whole-heartedly with the ideas, because I don’t want to involve myself in an argument, a disagreement or a confrontation.

If the purpose of relationships is to learn more about myself, then the fast food relationship with the interviewers has definitely spawned inward reflection!

This second weakness causes a buffer—a wall. I isolate myself from others by being dishonest about how I feel about the topic at hand. Additionally, I isolate myself from my true, inner Self by denying, or pushing aside, my real feelings. All for what? To hope that others will like me better if I tell them what I think they want to hear? It actually does work, sometimes; occasionally arguments are avoided by agreeing with the other person or just by doing what they say.

Am I still under the impression that I will have no friends—no one to love me—if I act according to my inner being?

Did I simply wish to isolate myself in a log cabin surrounded by hundreds of miles of forest just so that would be a conscious decision to isolate?—As opposed to the subconscious Isolation Circus that has been ruling and dominating my human-to-human relationships?

So…what now?

As for my strengths, I would say: my ability to radiate peaceful energy and love. My ability to ask the deep questions that need to be asked—not just to others but to myself as well. My willingness to try new things, new ideas, new places, new food. Writing is a strength.

I won’t be hired at the food place. I can tell, now that I already have what I needed from them—a boost in my inner insight. Besides, I told the truth: I was looking for a temporary job and I didn’t picture myself working there a year from now. The interview ended abruptly after that. Heh. Penalized for telling the truth. This is why I tend to just agree with people and do what they say and say what they want to hear, because otherwise I get penalized. Oh well.

Maybe I’ll get the job in shipping and receiving, where my sister’s husband works.

I still have trust—or is it hope? A wish? A futile wish?—that the universe will put me where I am meant to be. If I’m meant to be homeless and jobless, it will happen.

Is the sequence of events important, here? Maybe some things need to happen before bliss—or happiness, enlightenment, a good job—is reached.

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