Not belonging; apologizing to ancestors

Saturday, February 12, 2011

I still lack the type of joyous emotion that I have with gardening and a domain, when I think of the possibility of an E.T. boyfriend… as if I’m just trying to convince myself that I want it. But I really doubt that there’s anyone here on Earth who’d be a good match. I still don’t feel like I fit in anywhere.

Last night’s dinner was filled with cheese and butter. Disgusting. I prefer no meals, but mere nibbling on fresh fruit, veggies, berries, nuts, herbs, flowers, etc. [Interesting note: This “preference” of mine did not appear in my life until after I read about Anastasia nibbling on forest food. I am often influenced by what I read and the people around me, confusing what they like with what I think I like.] I’ll try asking my sister if she’d be up for making a vegan or raw-food meal next time.


Working new job at Kinko’s, just hired, first day on the job, very easy to learn. Easy to remain calm and happy, even when there was a long line while my coworkers were getting nervous. I even did a “happy dance” when two customers got something beneficial. In the back of my mind, even though I felt happy, I felt out-of-place in that job and in that type of society in general.


How can I find where I belong? Traveling and searching is not working. I suppose that I could just pick a spot and create a space where I belong…. that’s the Domain idea, from Anastasia. But what about people who feel like they don’t even belong on Earth? Sometimes I wish I could see other worlds and civilisations first-hand, so I can compare all of it, myself.


Here is the letter that I burned in the forest, with dried sage:

Dear Ancient Ancestors

I apologize for believing that you were “stupid cavemen.” I now know that you were deeply connected to the Earth and the Universe. Your lives were filled with love and joy. Somehow, humans fell “off the track” or maybe it was planned to be like this. Regardless, I promise to always strive towards a life of love and joy, harmony, balance and peace. And to remember our connection to the Earth, as well as the fact that we are all One and equal. No one, or no few, should ever be above the rest. 

Thank you for existing. Thank you for your love.

My love to you all.


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