Feeling conned and wondering about dreams

I think today is Wednesday, Feb. 23, 2011. Sometimes the days run together when I have nothing specific planned.

Today I tried to exchange the ounces of silver (Canadian Maple) that I’d bought in the southwest US, at 3 different banks and a local jewelry store. No go. No one would take it for American Dollars in return. My landlord probably won’t accept the silver as payment for rent and I highly doubt that the grocery store would let me buy groceries with it, too.

The silver (and the one piece of gold) is all quickly becoming worthless paperweights. I can’t use them at all. I “bought into the hype” online about the crash of the US Dollar, but that’s clearly not happening.

I feel conned. Scammed. Lied to. 

Feel like a fool. And I already don’t trust human beings, as it is.

This just seems like one more reason to trust this miserable planet even less.

I’m tired of being here. From my current point of view, I wish to leave and never come back. I would never wish an Earth life on my worst enemy. I don’t even want to sell the cat toys I made yesterday because it means I’ll have to interact with the filth called “humans.”


I wish I knew what my dreams meant. Last night I dreamed of a guy named Mike who went to the same high school as me. I have no idea why I dreamed of him. I don’t remember having specific conversations (in real life) with him in the past. He was just a student in the background. I don’t remember any details about him. We weren’t friends. He wasn’t in the band. Maybe he was in football? I’m not sure why he’d show up in my dream. In the dream, he was looking at a piece of paper with some lines of typed text and a small row of photos of me and his recent ex-girlfriends. He was considering dating me but wasn’t sure if I was ready, yet, to date again.

What if there really is someone out there, somewhere, who would be perfect for me? At least a really really good, close match. Someone “on the same page” as me, both spiritually and philosophically (and politically, too).

What if, however, I am ready to meet him and start a relationship, but he is not quite ready, yet? Wouldn’t he be worth waiting for? Of course!

But again, I feel like I’m just guessing. I wish I knew for sure. Well… my future self knows, I guess, because he and I would have already met and talked, so I’d know more about his circumstances.

What if my reason for moving back to the midwest is to get him and then start our journey together? And also to get a little gardening practice in, personally.


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