All Baths Must End

This is the official post saying that this is the end of the blog! Thank you for reading.

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Jurassic World movie (spoilers and weird interpretations)

I’ve read enough conspiracy theory / new age websites to guess at “hidden messages” in movies, so I’ll go ahead and give it a shot.

The big dinosaur (main villain) = the old white draco elite ET(s), or white reptilian royal(s).

Raptors = the illuminati “blue blood” family members and cabal members who have defected and end up helping the Earth Alliance/Resistance, or Secret Space Programs (SSPs). These represent folks who used to be the bad guys but are now fighting for the good guys (with questionable ethics or goals, at times).

T-Rex = one of the SSP groups? Or an ancient underground civilization? Old enemies of the dracos?

Water Dinosaur = Another SSP? ETs who are just “passing by” and happened to get caught up in the fight?

Chris Pratt’s character = Earth Alliance? The Resistance? SSPs/military?

Mass of people in the middle of the park, wondering what’s going on out there = me.

07 / 07 on the back of the seats of the wrecked car = the seventh of July? (Mass arrests? The Event? Full Disclosure? Who knows.)

As you can tell by the number of question marks, I’m guessing at a lot, here.

On the topic of dates, I think this is the first movie I’ve noticed that begins with a Christmas/snow theme and does not premiere during that holiday season. Therefore, I had the impression that the movie was rushed (or else was late in getting to theaters).

So at the end, there were three strong groups (Raptors, T-Rex, and the water dinosaur) that tag-teamed the white dinosaur. Bam, bam, bam! And the white one couldn’t really deal with all of them at once like that (and “the enemy of my enemy is my friend” concept was at play, there).

The final take-down was perfectly timed, I thought.

Supposedly, the Illuminati/Cabal/Whatever let us know what they’re planning before they do it (often through movies like this), and supposedly the “magic” can work for the positive, as well. IF that is so, then the “good guys” (Earth Alliance, SSPs, Solar Warden, Illuminati defectors, positive ETs, etc) may be planning a big tag-team take-down of the “bad guys.” If they’re hoping for “permission” of the masses, then you’ve got mine, partly. You guys have my conscious permission to tag-team the reptilians and bring them in to have trials for crimes against humanity (along with the others). If that’s even possible. I have no idea, really, but the thought of rehabilitating the reptilians and having them be loving and kind again seems nice, rather than just killing them.

Just based on ideas I picked up from some of these sites:

http://spherebeingalliance.com/faqs

http://sitsshow.blogspot.se/

http://2012portal.blogspot.se/

http://divinecosmos.com/start-here/davids-blog

There’s also Vigilant Citizen, but I haven’t really gone there in a few years.

Seeking advice on feeling lovable and worthy (and seeing family members as such)

Bashar’s advice (through Darryl Anka) has been great for me and helped me to live a much better life (internally, especially. Like, in my mind and heart). Bashar suggests (and I’ve found this to be true so far) that the negative beliefs about ourselves will never be really found to be true, if we dig a little and look at them.

Most things I can solve on my own by just thinking things through, but now I feel stuck on something and I thought it would be a good idea to ask the WordPress community about it.

I’ve been watching seasons one and two of Breaking Bad (Netflix series) and I find myself feeling uncomfortable watching the relationship between the two sisters because it reminds me of my own life. I feel like the pregnant one could be my sister and the other would be me (although I do not feel compelled to steal).

I currently do not talk to any family members (blood/biological) or their relatives. I feel like I need to hide myself from family members for some reason, as if it’s completely dangerous to be honest with them; I feel compelled to lie to, say, my sister, and keep some shallow façade of happiness and “everything’s ok” (or at least I did in the past, when I had contact with any of them). Whenever I tried to be honest, it seemed to cause negative effects.

I have the idea that if I show them my true self, then I (and they) will find out what a horrible, bad, evil, worthless and unlovable person I really am.

The question I then posed to myself is: How can I show myself (and maintain the belief) that I am actually the opposite—lovable, worthy, good, nice, whole, peaceful? I feel like I am already these things, but when I start thinking about family members, it’s easy to forget.

Then I had the idea: Maybe I can work backwards. If others are a reflection of me, then maybe I can switch to seeing/believing that they are not horrible and evil—no one is. (I can label everything as positive, no matter what it looks like on the surface.) Since my family is a reflection of me, I can use that reflection to then think and believe those same positive things about myself.

And it works! …For about 5 minutes. Then my mind (for reasons I don’t yet consciously understand) goes back into fear. I find myself obsessively thinking about them some days, and not thinking about them other days. I don’t really grasp why I forget the positive person I want to be and I feel ugly and bad, and ashamed and embarrassed. I don’t understand why all of my wonderful, new, positive views slip away when it comes to family members. Why is it difficult to maintain? What am I missing, here?

Additionally, since the family members are not in my life anymore (except in my head), it should actually be quite easy to change the way I view them, because they are not here to contradict me. The only thing contradicting me is myself, my mind, my memories.

I know I haven’t given much information in this post, but based on what you’ve just read, what do you think?

My solution to the “Gypsy/Rom beggar problem”

Allow the gypsies/rom to make their own decisions. Their experiences and perspectives are valid; otherwise they wouldn’t exist. If I have an interaction with them that causes me to have emotional experiences that I don’t prefer, then ask myself: What do I have to believe about myself in relation to this situation (or a person or life in general) is true, in order to feel what I’m feeling? It’s likely that I’ll uncover a negative belief about myself that is not true.

This is inspired by Bashar (not the politician from the Middle East, but rather Darryl Anka) and I feel like this currently works for me.
Bashar home page link.
Wikipedia link.

I am sharing it so that you can see this as one possible option for you to consider.

SOME BACKGROUND INFO

After moving from the United States to Europe, I was unsure about how to handle or deal with the sight of, and interactions with, beggars who come mostly from Romania.

I’d not been satisfied with other solutions I’d come up with over the past one and a half year. My obsessive thoughts would include gentler, kinder actions such as teaching them English or giving them educational/skill books in the Romanian language; unfortunately my imagination would include more violent thoughts, as well, which would merely result in me feeling annoyed and guilty.

My ideas, however, would always include some kind of arrogant element of the idea that their lifestyle is not ok and they need to change their lives into something that I believe is more suitable for modern/western society. My fantasies of “helping” them often snow-balled into me being some type of parent or babysitter, taking over their lives for them like a well-intentioned dictator because of a belief that they are incapable of living a proper life… whatever that meant.

Eventually, I concluded: Instead of trying to heal them, why not heal myself, instead? That’s kind of one of the ideas behind that first paragraph, up there. Now I feel more free and relaxed; not so stressed-out.

BRINGIN’ SPIRITUALITY BACK

Since moving to Europe in 2013, I’d emptied out the box in my brain that was labeled: new age ideas, spirituality and conspiracy theories (yes, they were all lumped together). I’d decided that I was done with all of it. I attempted to fill that box with scientific and rational ideas, but I found myself lacking the spiritual component that I used to have, say, 5-6 years ago, with the starseed / light-worker meditation group.

In January or February 2015, I couldn’t take any more of the angry, frustrated, empty feelings and I wandered back to some YouTube clips of Bashar. What he said made a lot of sense and I figured that as long as these spiritual beliefs bring joy and purpose, and aren’t telling me to go out and murder others, then what does it matter if it is seen as silly or crazy to others? The experience of joy, love, and moving closer to being my authentic, happy self, is real and it gives me a better life.

FINAL WORDS

When you have emotional experiences that you don’t prefer, ask: What do I have to believe about myself, in relation to this situation (or this person, or life in general), is true, in order to feel what I’m feeling? It’s likely that you’ll discover a negative belief about yourself that is not actually true.

Feeling Disillusioned After Dec 21, 2012

I was totally ready for whatever changes that the New Age internet people and the whistle-blowers had predicted for December 21, 2012. They had all seemed so convincing. The body language of the whistle-blowers in the YouTube interviews and the lecturers of New Age spiritual ideals were genuine and honest.

I bought it—lock, stock and barrel. I thoroughly mentally prepared myself for anything and everything that had been predicted—whether it was Planet X approaching, pole shifts, aliens landing en masse, or the crash of the U.S. dollar and martial law. I was ready to help humanity cope with some Great Revelation of Reality, including revealing myself as… (broken drumroll) …a star seed.

A month or two into 2013 and I began to realize that no great change had happened in December.

I gradually questioned the whole New Age ascension and Love stuff, and the dozens of conspiracy theories with their stories of black ops, mind control, chemtrails and alien cover-ups.

I felt awful and embarrassed. Disillusioned.

Everything suddenly seemed like a lie and I realized that it was I who now had to deal with my own revelation of reality to myself. 

I felt betrayed by the New Age community, abandoned by the non-existent alien beings, and angry at the world for not changing into the lovely, ideal bliss that we envisioned. I began to see the Law of Attraction as straight-up bullshit.

By summer 2013, I started to give up. Over the following 6 months, I quietly unsubscribed from all of the emails and blog updates that had anything to do with 2012 predictions and conspiracy theories. I gave up the New Age stuff. I no longer struggle with knowing what to trust because I have removed myself from those online circles where people talked about that kind of stuff. What kind of stuff, exactly? Anything that could possibly fall under “new age” and “conspiracy theory.” I’ve dumped it all out.

I don’t even know what is predicted next, or what the newest whistle-blowers are talking about. I vaguely heard something about Prism and Edward Snowden, but I didn’t care anymore—I didn’t want to get dragged down into it. And I don’t think I’ll go back.

I am visibly happier now in my life, especially with where I live and who I’m with, yet I have an amount of sadness that reveals itself occasionally whenever conversations or thoughts drift towards spirituality. Not always, but often enough to annoy me and leave me with a desire to figure it out and fix it.

October 17, 2010

October 17 Sunday

I’m in a place called Grass Valley. I slept in my car. The sun is just coming up, now. I slept well. I moved the “bed” up into the passenger seat, leaving more room for my legs. I wore 2 jackets and blasted the heater before turning off the car.

Last night, I was upset. Chico was a cute college town, but I still was unsure. I drove away, randomly picking streets. It got dark and I got angry at tailgaters. I’m uncomfortable driving so fast in such a dark area where the road curves and wildlife could jump out. So, I pressed “home” on the GPS. “Get me out of here.” I still miss my cat. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I feel lost and confused.

I had pizza last night. I still feel guilty about eating food—any food. I want to lose weight. Blech. Fuck it. I ended up in Grass Valley because it was on the way home and I remember someone mentioning it. It’s another cute town. All these places are cute. I’m not going to bother trying to figure it out. I’ll just find a place to wash up, walk around for a bit, then head home. Fuck everything. Maybe I’m meant to be in the state where I currently live. Still… I think I have a small feeling that there’s something here in Grass Valley that I need to see. Maybe daylight is just the thing I need, to see clearly.

I grabbed some bakery food and the worker suggested I check out Penn Valley. She gave me directions on paper, but I zoned out and drove too far. I turned around and felt sick… maybe slight food poisoning? I stopped at a Chevron gas station, unsure if I was going to puke or shit. Afterwards, I still felt sick.

I saw a guy stick out his thumb for hitchhiking. I had a knee-jerk reaction and I pulled over before i even consciously realized I was pulling over. I made some room for him, still surprised by the subconscious action. His name was Jimmy and he was very friendly. I told him my brief story and he offered to show me around. We visited the nearby old west town, “Rough and Ready.” The town isn’t much bigger than as far as a person could spit into the wind. It had a little old west set-up, on display. Jimmy showed me around and where he lived. It’s technically in Smartville—a town with some houses and a post office.

So wow. I made a friend. That was pretty cool.

I have no itinerary anymore, so I didn’t mind waiting as he grabbed a few groceries in the store. I spoke to a woman in the parking lot. We both agreed and love and feminine energy is what the world needs. She liked my bumper stickers. Her name is Kathy.

Nice people, here in Grass Valley.

I saw that an event was at the fairgrounds and I stopped to take a look. Vendors were there. I bought soap bars, locally made.

A guy selling bonsai plants was there. He is good at recognizing the gardeners. “Gardener vibes,” I guess. I told him the short version of my story. He offered to hire me before I even mentioned I would be looking for a job in California. I wonder what made him say that? But he seems really cool. He works out of his home. The bonsai business isn’t that big… not yet… not enough to employ me. But he gave me his card. I’ll see how things unfold. I still don’t want to do design. I want to be a gardener—a caretaker of the earth, plants, and animals. If this will end up being my job, with the bonsai guy, then all I need now is a place to live. And living out of my car does not count!

A guy with his wife at the soap stand recognized me. He works in the pizza place I visited last night. I guess my haircut makes me memorable. Maybe my energy, too, on a subconscious level. I seem to be a memorable person, I guess.

I want to find a place to hang out and relax… like in Dunsmuir. Read my book.

It’s raining this afternoon.